no, literally, why are you here? i don't understand. i did what I was supposed to. you shouldn't be here. i cannot house you anymore, you are filling this up. the tiles are cracking, the house is falling apart. no, you're not my son, or my daughter, or the lone monster that has learnt to hide to purr beneath the fur. you don't chase stick, you don't follow me. you. do. not. follow. me.
leave.
i disposed you early so you could never return. i made sure you never return. turned the lights down, the show girl has taken her makeup off and she'd here any time now demanding rest and leisure...to find what? you? your optimal size is sickening. no, don't hide behind the curtains. that's not going to work now. it's the reality, you're here and it's suffocating that you are.
leave.
no, really, leave. i mean good. leave and never return. take the highway and just another wrong turn — be gone. you're filling up the space. if they return to ask for the pay, what would they see? you? is it you all that i have? have i nothing but you? that cannot be. i didn't run miles away, housed my life, built trees from seed, sprouted rain, boiled all weeds and vomited herbs to seed...for you to claim me. i am not you. i don't know you, you understand? i am not. i made sure you're not me either.
leave.
no, don't touch the ceiling, it's not yours. none of this is yours. you hear me? you're exceeding the place, if they and i sit face to face and they enquire how have i been, would they be able to pretend that you're not crowding my space? they would see me struggle to breathe, hands on knees, throat unfreezed, eyes burning like fire. do i inflate enough that i eclipse you. god, why can't you just disappear?
leave, then.
they are looking at you.
i am looking at them.
they are looking at me.
i am looking at you.
they are looking at you.
you are looking at me.
they are looking at me.
you are looking at them.
they are looking at me.
you are looking at me.
am i then you?
i cant put my finger on what made me kinda sad about this one but something sure did. it’s very suffocating to read and i feel that was intended. i don’t get it entirely or what it means, feels like i get the vibe though.
very claustrophobically worded, hung on to every word. amazing as always!